Bully Beef
   Americans hate anything successful that isn't theirs, have you noticed? The vitriolic rhetoric coming from politicians over there about BP is far disproportionate with any direct culpability. Think back to Exxon Valdise, which by all accounts caused far more immediate damage to the environment than the Gulf disaster; there were moans, but no baying for blood against Exxon- they blamed the captain in the end. So it isn't at all surprising that UK parties have been unanimous in refusing to take part in US senators' witch hunt. To us on the other side of the Atlantic it all looks like resentful US bullying.

Grease?
   Tourballs- (Tour de France commentary,) 'He's smoothing very pedaly.'

Lie Pie
   Europe is at last waking up to the fact that many supplement and food manufacturers have been making dubious claims about their products for years. EuroCrap, the nutrition and health claims regulator, has apparently already thrown out 80% of claims it has investigated. What is not so clear is just whose claims have been rubbished, because sure as hell those concerned won't tell. Ben Goldacre, writing in the Guardian, suggests a compulsory unsupported claim labelling device in preference to an advertising ban, we suggest a stinking turd logo. Next let's get those eurojohnnies to look at other fake claims and quackery; homeopathy is an obvious target, but how about magnetic lime scale protectors, copper bracelets for rheumatism, supersonic pest scarers, brain enhancing games, etc? Perhaps we'd end up with old sayings being banned- red sky at night... CENSORED.

Messy Business
   As the cost of the Gulf of Mexico oil spill rises beyond BP's ability to pay for it, although they have contritely promised they will, attention wanders to who else might be to blame. For a start perhaps we should look at who said yes to the plan in the first place, surely they have some responsibility to shoulder. Then we might ask, who was responsible for supervision, because it does seem that at least one faulty device was not replaced. Then there are the general regulators and administrators, didn't they voice any doubts or ask for second opinions? Here we steer uncomfortably close to the White House and the leader of the administration, President Osama himself. He's not come out well, rather as Bush jnr. before him with hurricane Katrina. Now wouldn't it be convenient if something distracted attention away from the blame game? Start a war is the usual ploy. Iran, watch out...

World Cup Winner
   Greta Garble, Infinity Junction's media correspondent, announced today that Private Eye has won the World Cup Joke Contest. The entry, a scene taken from Zulu, showing Stanley Baker and Micheal Caine in natty red jackets and pith helmets, the pair of them staring in shock at the hillside at Rourkes Drift, simply said "Vuvuzelas, thousands of them."
   Brilliant!
( * Those reading this in BlogJob may not know that a vuvuzela is an instrument of mass torture used, sometimes quite indiscriminately, at football matches in South Africa.)

Welsh News
   Us at Infinity Junction suffer really poor English radio and TV reception, forcing us to watch Welsh TV, ugh. Since Wales failed to qualify for the World Cup, as usual, there is thus no news mention of England's performances. (Just as well from what we've seen so far, Ed.) Instead we have bloody rugby inflicted on us. Now that inspired thoughts of the Welsh anthem and a certain comment made about Welshmen by dour-faced Ann Robinson of TV fame. So we combine and bastardise- sing if you know the tune-
   Wales, Wales, bloody big fishes are they,
   They float all around,
   Make a spurious sound,
   So what is the point of Wales?

No Beijing Thousand Drummers, Then.
   With the World Cup reaching a climax, the next big thing in the UK is being discussed. The Olympics come to London, the UK is broke, including London. So what did the recently appointed director of the opening ceremony say? "It will be rather modest." Hooray.
   (Just march the teams in and get on with it. Ed.)

Raceballs - by our motoring correspondant Len Drover
   Explaining the difference between rear and front drive cars, race commentator Tim Harvey, (no mean driver himself,) said rear drive cars can accelerate "like a rabbit out of a gun." I suppose that would be a hop gun.

Ode To Coalition - oh joy
   The time has come the walrus said
   To question many things
   Of CamEton and Cleggy-poo
   And whether they can bring
   LibDems on board and keep them there
   Without attaching strings

Troubled Water
   Not surprisingly, since it is a hot potato, we've mentioned 'global warming' quite often in NuGgets column. Now the Americans, geed up by the oil lobby, have been noticeably mute on the subject in the past. Amongst other excuses not to implement cuts in emissions, they've quoted the Gaia theory, which says Earth can balance itself out in the long term. Now we have a British company involved in US oil though, President Osama has become all pugnacious about BP bearing all the costs of an oil spill. Hang on, Gaia theory says we can just leave it. You can't have it both ways; there may be a touch of bias creeping in.

Holiday Over
   NuGgets has taken a break to avoid the election. Okay we still don't know, (or care much,) who has won as long as it's not That Thatcher Woman. A fair proportion of UK citizens got what they wanted, no one party dominating, in other words a hung parliament. Stock markets hate it, but hey, citizens hate them. Now let's drop the dogma and the speculation and get on.

Ho-Ho-Home Office
   UK Home Office has had bad publicity in recent years, but it appears its employees still have a sense of humour. Launch Benedict brand condoms; get the Pope to open an abortion clinic; bless a gay wedding. These were among a raft of suggestions for the Pope's coming visit to Britain. Well, we had a laugh anyway.

Silver Lining
   Ash not what your country can do for you, but... Iceland has done it again, not crashed half of Europe's investors, no this time they've let the sun shine in. Here at Infinity Junction HQ we have seen the clearest skies for years. The only aircraft flying was the police, on a brief test mission. Normally in time of high atmospheric pressure here, our sky is dimmed by dozens of jet trails above us on probably the world's most crowded air route. Now its quiet and bright, oh joy.

Pope Apologises
   Winter 2009/2010 has been harsh in the northern hemisphere, record periods of low temperatures in many countries, snow in parts of England that seldom see it, some falling right up until Easter, with spring about six weeks late here. Monglian herders are reporting unprecedented livestock deaths, up to 90% already lost to the prolonged deep freeze and lack of feed, and so on. Some say it's global warming caused by too many cars, well it's not warming us at Infinity Junction. Others claim it's a natural cycle, but it's too cold to cycle here. There must be some other cause; what can we blame? Catholic priests seem a popular target at present, but scientifically that's an unlikely cause. Ah yes, the coming election, what a bore, time to hibernate.

Dutch Courage
   It recently emerged that an American general, serving at the time of the Srebrenica massacre of 8,000 muslims by Serb backed Bosnian militia, has blamed it on gay soldiers for sapping the will of Dutch troops to defend. There are excuses and excuses, but this has to be one of the most curious. We'll probably never know the truth though... how tantalising. The genocide case continues, guess where; Holland... how queer.

Too Many Reviews; 63 M years of them, Irrit True? - E.M.
   Meta analysis, (reviews of reviews,) a deep hole with iridium at the bottom and new analysis of existing data leads a conference of scientists to conlude that dinosaurs are responsible for global warming and the Met Office saying human activity is to blame for a meteor which killed them. So you can understand climate change sceptics, can't you.   (Oh no, it's the Drambuie, I fear, Ed. {E.M. use a liqueur glass, not a pint mug.})

Damp Rag To A Bull
   If you think we at Infinity Junction have taken the micky out of glorious President Rumpy-Pumpy, you should hear what was said by a bullish MEP in the European parliament. "You have the charisma of a damp rag, the appearance of a low grade bank clerk, no-one here has heard of you." Apparently even the Belgians, some of whom do know who he is, call him 'the grey mass'.
   Well chosen, France and Germany. (That's facetious by the way.)

Tit For Tat, Tat, Tat
   A few days ago the UK Tory opposition persuaded 20 leading economists to sign a letter calling for immediate spending cuts in view of the overall budget deficit. Today, however, ruling Labour have gone three better by getting 60 economists to sign a letter saying cuts would be better delayed to help the economy recover faster. Playground stuff, naar naarr nee naar na!

I Arrest Myself...
   Embarrased Merseyside police have had to ground their brand new 'drone' helicopter because they don't have a licence for it. A police spokesman said, "I didn't know you needed a licence." Where have we heard that excuse before?

Smurf TV
   Read the article below for why we saw our great President Smurf van Rumpy-Pumpy for the first time on UK TV. You guessed it, the non-agreement and bland announcement of support for Greece in its hour of chaos. And yes, he does look like a smurf; it's a Belgian thing.

O Moania
   Euro, euro, on the fall, who's the sickliest of them all? Greece, you fool.
   While we have our moaners here in the UK, it does now seem as if the UK decision not to join the EuroZone was founded in some sense. (One of Brown-Gordon's more sentient moves.) Meanwhile Brussels is approaching melting point as they try to thrash out some fudge that will stop bankrupt Greece having to be turfed out of the afore mentioned glorious monetary union.
   As soon as it was announced which the various economies to merge would be, you knew there'd be trouble. Maybe now EU expansion plans will have to be put on hold? It's an ill wind that blows no good, as the saying goes.

Eye Of Needle And Camel Spring To Mind
   After ranting about inequities in USA, (see below,) we now have an alarming report in the UK backing up assertions that social order is wrong. In the UK the top 10% of people earn 100 times as much as the bottom 10%. The trend towards this inequality was started by the Tories in the 80s and so far 12 years of Labour has failed to bring that back to a fair situation. Some famous bloke once said it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to go to heaven. Well famous bloke, we'd like you to prove it.

National Hate Service - Ed.
   In the early 1950s UK became the first country in the world to offer free medical care at the point of service to all citizens. The National Health Service (NHS) is rightly held up all over the world as a shining beacon of social medical care. Believe it or not, this was partly funded by a large loan from USA. Why then are Republicans in USA blowing off poisonous steam about a very much watered down scheme, 50 years behind the times, being introduced in America? Enter the arch capitalists; those who promote bonuses to the ultra-rich bankers, paid for by tax-payers. The same type feed off high premuims paid by those who can afford medical insurance and they damn the rest and try to stamp on anything that won't make them and their families richer and more powerful. WAKE UP ! Your time is gone and not a before time too, think of La Revolution and Madame Guillotine. As a staid and rather old-fashioned Christian country, a religion that espouses equality and charity, and condemns personal riches, you'd have thought they'd have realised the evil of their ultra-capitalist ways. Let them be the first against the wall, etc. Maybe we can make this evolution rather than revolution, think about it bankers et al; which would you prefer.

What Can It Mean?
   Commentary on TV snooker last night might easily have been misinterpreted by someone only listening- 'I'm sure a half ball kiss on the brown would be preferable.' Try telling that to a stranger in the street.

A German View Of Islam - NOTE this is from an open e-mail passed widely around and was not written by anyone within Infinity Junction. It was sent to us as part of a pass-it-on campaign, so we've gone one better and published it on-line. Instead of passing it on by e-mail now you have the chance to pass on this URL - Fanaticism- a view from German history.
   The following is said to be from Dr. Emanuel Tanay, a well-known and well-respected psychiatrist. This is a very good explanation of the Muslim terrorist situation. His references to past history are accurate and clear. Not long, easy to understand, and well worth the read...
    A man, whose family was German aristocracy prior to World War II, owned a number of large industries and estates. When asked how many German people were true Nazis, the answer he gave can guide our attitude toward fanaticism. 'Very few people were true Nazis,' he said, 'but many enjoyed the return of German pride, and many more were too busy to care. I was one of those who just thought the Nazis were a bunch of fools. So, the majority just sat back and let it all happen. Then, before we knew it, they owned us, and we had lost control, and the end of the world had come. My family lost everything. I ended up in a concentration camp and the Allies destroyed my factories.'
    We are told again and again by 'experts' and 'talking heads' that Islam is the religion of peace and that the vast majority of Muslims just want to live in peace. Although this unqualified assertion may be true, it is entirely irrelevant. It is meaningless fluff, meant to make us feel better, and meant to somehow diminish the spectre of fanatics rampaging across the globe in the name of Islam..
    The fact is that the fanatics rule Islam at this moment in history. It is the fanatics who march. It is the fanatics who wage any one of 50 shooting wars worldwide. It is the fanatics who systematically slaughter Christian or tribal groups throughout Africa and are gradually taking over the entire continent in an Islamic wave. It is the fanatics who bomb, behead, murder, or honour-kill. It is the fanatics who take over mosque after mosque. It is the fanatics who zealously spread the stoning and hanging of rape victims and homosexuals. It is the fanatics who teach their young to kill and to become suicide bombers.
    The hard, quantifiable fact is that the peaceful majority, the 'silent majority,' is cowed and extraneous.
    Communist Russia was comprised of Russians who just wanted to live in peace, yet the Russian Communists were responsible for the murder of about 20 million people. The peaceful majority were irrelevant. China's huge population was peaceful as well, but Chinese Communists managed to kill a staggering 70 million people.
    The average Japanese individual prior to World War II was not a warmongering sadist. Yet Japan murdered and slaughtered its way across South East Asia in an orgy of killing that included the systematic murder of 12 million Chinese civilians; most killed by sword, shovel, and bayonet.
    And who can forget Rwanda, which collapsed into butchery. Could it not be said that the majority of Rwandans were 'peace loving'?
    History lessons are often incredibly simple and blunt, yet for all our powers of reason, we often miss the most basic and uncomplicated of points:
    Peace-loving Muslims have been made irrelevant by their silence.
    Peace-loving Muslims will become our enemy if they don't speak up, because like my friend from Germany, they will awaken one day and find that the fanatics own them, and the end of their world will have begun.
    Peace-loving Germans, Japanese, Chinese, Russians, Rwandans, Serbs, Afghans, Iraqis, Palestinians, Somalis, Nigerians, Algerians, and many others have died because the peaceful majority did not speak up until it was too late. As for us who watch it all unfold, we must pay attention to the only group that counts- the fanatics who threaten our way of life.
    Lastly, anyone who doubts that the issue is serious and just deletes this email without sending it on, is contributing to the passiveness that allows the problems to expand. So, extend yourself a bit and send this on and on and on! Let us hope that thousands, world-wide, read this and think about it, and send it on - before it's too late.
    Emanuel Tanay, M.D.

Backwards Ireland
   While most of us enter the second decade of the twenty-first century, Ireland is just entering the medieval period. They've introduced a new blasphemy law, with fines of up 25,000 euros. The last case brought under England's ancient un-repealed blashpemy law was thrown out very rapidly as unenforceable in light of more modern laws and views. (See blogjob.) So why is Ireland going back 1,000 years? Surely it's unnecessary. Is any religion so weak that it cannot argue its own case... hmm, now you think about it, yes, so why give artificial protection to something that doesn't deserve it?

10 Years Older
   The noughties end with a rather long sigh. Some of 2009's bad news- Copenhagen predictably crap, (see below.) Al-Qaida fights on despite deserved set-backs. Oil cartel pushes price up. Politicians incompetent as ever and oozing grease. Bankers ooze greed, still. Corruption still rife in the third world. People still hate different people. And it's cold and wet here at Infinity Junction HQ. Ugh. One minor up is that swine-flu didn't kill everyone after all. But now, the good news: NuGgets column is over 10 years old and still going. Now it's 2010; hope you're better. Happy New Year everyone, Ed.

Bloody Berlusconi
   Tee-hee.

Kerching Doesn't Ring True
   The strange case of Briton Meredith Kercher's murder in Italy 2 years ago whiffs somewhat, don't you think? Rotting shellfish springs to mind. Probably the most unlikely woman to be put on trial for murder, American Amanda Knox, is now serving 26 years in clink. The most damning evidence, we are told, is that of a kitchen knife used to kill Kercher having Knox's and her boyfriend Sollecito's DNA on it. Well, if you live in a house there's a good chance you'll use the kitchen, which in turn means there is a good chance there'll be traces of you in it, including probably on the kitchen knife. The case itself took so long to be heard that UK press pretty much ignored the actual trial, so all the facts are hard to find in English. Expect an appeal though, perhaps some of that fishy smell will be wafted away; experience says it's likely to be a long wait.

Salty Old Girl of the Sea
   Since we spent a part of our early days in NuGgets solving global warming, (see Blogjob,) we suppose there should be a comment here on the looming Copenhagen conference. So much noise and threats coming from both sides of the equation suggests it will be acrimonious. What good will come of it, apart from smugness from the side doing best? Being cynical of all politicians, and it is mainly politicians at this conference, we can expect a fudge. Don't'ya just lurve poilticians! Perhaps we should send bankers instead. (That would be the end of the world! Ed.)

Cry If You Like, But Try Not To Laugh - StO
   President Rumpy-Pumpy of Europe? Not even the Belgians have heard of him! (He's their Prime Minister; Ed.)