now running in its Eighteenth year - NuGgets TMish comment column - "poking fun and pointing fingers"
Madamoozell From Armentiers
Astonished residents stared at the intruder flitting from ledge to window two floors up. A burgler? A rapist? Actually a real black panther. Inky Binky Parlez Vous!
Pot And Kettle
Cameton has a nerve, saying BoJo has behaved apallingly, (he has- ed.) what about himself and his EU referendum idea? Never has there been such a divisive issue. The referendum need not have happened; okay we'd still be moaning about the unelected EU Commission and various other bugbears, but we wouldn'y be in the mess we are now and with such a bad Prime Minister. Pot, black, kettle, expand a re-arrange to make an old saying.
Tit For Spat
If it wasn't affecting the lives of millions and wealth of the UK, parliament scenes recently would seem pretty babyish, tit for tat reactions in abundance. Buffoon BoJo determined to ruin the economy for the sake of his ego, and the majority of MPs now trying to stop it. What a massive cock up. Nothing subtle, no give and take, no compromise. How long can BoJo last? Not long we guess. Then what? God this is so tiring for the average Brit who ust wants to get on with life, so fed up that most don't care any more whether we are in or out of Europe.
The head of Cathay Pacific Airlines in Hong Kong resigns as the airport is overwhelmed by protestors. Surely it's not his fault: it's Carrie Lam's fault for cosying up to the oppressive Chinese government. She's the one who should go.
Petulant Spoiled Brat
"I won't work with him, he said I'm inept." "Go back to your old country." Not the words of a world statesman you'd hope. Poor USA: your reputation is going over a cliff. Dump the Dump. (See below.)
Putin Things In Perspective number 95 (it seems) - Rise Of The Bully-Boys
"Liberalism is obsolete" sour-faced Vlad asserts; in Russia maybe, not here mate. "Traitors must be punished," another of his phrases, it sort proves that it was him behind the Skripal poisonings, doesn't it? Gotcha! We can't wait for him to sod off into retirement and senility with all his autocrat sychophants. The world will be better without autocrats, dictators and despots like him, Kim, Xi, Erdogan, Maduro, etc, etc, after all it's bad enough with non-autocratic loonies, Dump is prime example. Dump the Dump we here you say. Put out the Put-in we reply.
It's Not Mine !
UN is urging restraint after a second batch of tankers were attacked in or near the Strait of Hormuz. Iran denies it was involved but photographic and video evidence, along with US navy tracking radar, make its denials pretty unbelieveable. Not only that, but Iran is the only player with both the resources and the motive. The question is, what will that unpredictable Dump do? Last time he threatened Iran's very existence. This time there's been surprisingly little rhetoric. Suspicious don't you think?
Fast Cars And Footballers
Formula 1 Canada- "Hulkenberg (is next...)" Subtitles "Hull City..." Now that would be a sight; a football match in the middle of a car race.
Despite protests, Dump appeared in Portsmouth and Normandy to commemorate D-Day. You might see a tweet, "I was there, the French loved me. Hitler bad guy, very negative, I told him he'll pay for the wall."
9% - Ed.
Euro elections showed what the public think of party politics when the ruling UK Conservatives only got 9% of the total vote, ha! Party Politics should be banned. The "whip," when all party members vote as they are told, should be banned too. Let common sense prevail over party Dogma. Listening Bojo, Corbuncle and co? I suspect not. The only good thing which might come out of this is the Conservatives break up; Old Cons in the right corner, sensible ex Cons, those few, form a new party or join one of the others. If only.
British Steel, sold to a rip-off merchant family for just £1 now collapses. We've seen this many times before and the result is always the same, the tax-payer foots the bill for clearing up the mess while the £1 buyers earn billions from high interest loans they arranged for the company. When will governments realise that privatisation of key industries and infrastructure is seriously bad for the country as a whole? The answer is "not while Conservatives are in power" obviously. If instead of selling it, British Steel had been nationalised, it would owe a lot less and probably still be viable. See British Railways break up and sale for proof: UK has one of the worst, most expensive rail services in Europe.
No Way Out- Brexit Blocked
Very predictably, talks between dogmatic Labour "leader" (not) Corbuncle and embattled Tory leader May have reached a dead end. Corbuncle won't budge and May can't because her party won't let her. As Europrat Tusk says- there's now a 30% chance Britain will stay in Europe. What a farce.
Century Old Attitudes - (almost)
Senior, mainly right-wing Tory MPs of the 1922 Committee are ganging up on PM May again as becomes more likely that they'll not get their way over a hard Brexit. Given the boorish behaviour of the right half of the party in recent months, credit can be given to Mrs May for holding things together as well as she has. Why then persecute the one person in that didvided party who stood any chance of avoiding a break-up? I'd say pure vindictiveness. But that's what right-wingers are like.
Main UK parties are licking their wounds as the population expressed its frustration and dismay over proceedings in parliament recently. Both Conservatives and Labour had major election losses. Party politics is killing democracy. MPs of all parties learn from this; country before party please.
"All DeChambeau's arms are the same length," US Masters commentary.
Front page- Beresheet crashes. First privately funded moon lander main engine fails. Lesser News- Black hole photo. A first, blurred and unexciting shot of a massive distant black hole. Wow, was it worth the effort? If you are an astronomer affected by these issues, please seek help from your "real world" advisor.
Only 30 Years Late - Ed
38 years ago I was interviewed by a "government researcher" about attitudes to divorce and changes to the law. At that time one of our neighbours was going through divorce proceedings and I was horrified at how nasty they had to be (on paper anyway) to each other in order to get divorced. I also expressed surpise at how long it took. You can get married pretty quick, so why not divorced? In an uncontested divorce surely weeks rather than months or more is reasonable. The researcher at the time said most people interviewed so far had wanted mutually agreed divorce to be quick and no blame to be attached. You might expect thefore that the law should have changed 30 years or more ago. So here we are 38 years on and we see divorce law changes announced. Why take so long? Old fashioned ideas, reluctance to accept change, religious dogma, just plain apathy? Remind you of Brexit, perhaps?
Going With The Wind?
Jianjing Motor Corporation (JMC) are the first of many Chinese copycat rip-off companies to be stopped- we hope- do we expect the order to stop making 'Land Wind' Land Rover Evoque copy to be obeyed? If it is, then it will set a precendent. Up till now Chinese manufacturers have felt immune from Western fair trading and copyright laws. (Infinity Junction knows all about this: A Chinese concern has bought all the eastern equivalents of our trading and domain name, regardless of intellectual property rules and our objections.)
When will China learn it has to play fair? We've seen dumping of steel, short-cut copies of umpteen western products, buying out of western brands only for inferior versions to appear later under the same name. Time for China to join the real world and not hide behind a government that doesn't play fair, isn't it?
After criticising MPs for putting ME before country, (see Me First below,) we've seen pretty much proof that UK currently has one of the worst batch's of MPs ever. They won't accept Brussells' "only deal on the table" on exit, they won't accept 'no deal.' So the only option they think is to delay the whole thing... why? With entrenched positions, what is that going to solve? Somebody has to get real and multo pronto. Uh politicians.
Wylvay Won'tvey 2
Are we about to see yet another nail in the coffin, or are we going to get some light relief? Hunterston nuclear power station had to close its B site reactor 3 some time ago after inspection showed more graphite core cracks than allowed. The problem here is that the limits are rather abitrary. The Advanced Gas-cooled Reactors (UK "AGR" design, only 7 sites ever built,) have proven pretty reliable if not as powerful as newer designs. EDF, the German company operating the power station has been busy during the shutdown testing and remodelling the old data used to set the original figure. They are now convinced the reactor will be safe for quite a few more years. Will the British nuclear authorities agree? With the lights in Britain threatened by electricty shortages in the not too distant future, the industry is hoping for the all clear. Would a longer life expectancy tempt Hitachi back to New Wylfa? (See below.)
LastMinute dot E U
With just days before UK officially leaves the EU, ministers are buzzing about frantically, trying to get "The Backstop" timed out and persuading right-wing MPs not to vote a deal down. It really is anybody's guess as to whether the UK goes with a bang or a sigh of relief. We'll know soon. We'll all also be glad of a rest from the perpetual Brexit drone.
Surprise No Surprise
Commentators seem surprised that the Vietnam Summit between Bang Bong and Dump has broken up early without any deal. Infinity Junction commentators are NOT surprised, simply because Kim Bang Bong is deluded and Dump is pig-headed. With two such silly-billies in charge not much is going to happen for a while yet. Poor North Korea condemned into poverty by a family of diminutive fattypuff megalomaniacs; the Kims.
As we predicted last year, the two main UK political parties are falling apart, mainly over Bexit. A new centrist movement has arisen, not actually a political party because there are fundamental differences between mid-ground members over several issues. Their main point, and for once Infinity Junction agrees with them, is that they are fed up of dogma and hard-line lefties or righties setting party agendas. How long will it last? Will it make any difference to Brexit outcome? Don't expect too much.
Reigning Cats And Dogs
Pet cats and dogs are responsible for the extiction of around 200 species according to a recent report. They rank alongside rats as the most destructive human introductions to ecosystems. "Oh Rats!" as they say of disappointment, man's best friend the pooch is in the doghouse.
Eye Eight It !
"I swerved to avoid an octopus," so said the driver of a lorry found upside down in a roadside ditch. The road near Marlborough in UK is many miles form the sea or estuary attractive to octopuses. Octopuses are not very common in UK waters anyway. "We no found no octopus," police said. No prizes for guessing what the police did next.
Report From Davos - by our staff in Deepest Darkest Cheshire
The elitist World Economic Forum ended with no big announcements, but reports of general gloom. No surprise given the state of things. It has however shown that the theoretical model that most economists use is faulty. Why should economies always grow? Current theory is that growth is always necessary, but looking at it from a purely pragmatic view, this seems daft. Situations change, that's the nature of human society, why is it so bad that economic sectors shrink. 50 years ago it would have seemed stupid that Britain closed its coal mines. Now burning coal is seen as a bad thing. That's just one example. So, can someone come up with a more realistic economic model that doesn't go into deep depression every time there is little growth?
Wylva Won't'ya? - keeping us in the dark
Predictably, given current uncertainty and belt-tightening, Hitachi have "suspended" work on New Wylva nuclear power station, despite spending around 2 billion pounds on it already. The Japanese firm have been in talks with UK government officials, trying to get the price increased, for a couple of years now. At present, the UK government, uncertain of the future regarding the EU, is not committing public money any more than absolutely necessary. The question has to be now, is nuclear dead in the UK? Existing stations are all old. With several possible builders pulling out in the last couple of years, who will build them? Yes UK has some the most extensive wind farms in the world, but they alone can only supply a small proportion of maximum power needs. Coal power is on the way out, gas is expensive and potentially unreliable since most is imported now. The northern half of Britain simply doesn't get enough sun in winter for solar. So if not nuclear, it looks like power-cuts are coming; Third World Britain.
Deal Bombed - NG2
No Deal Brexit looks ever more likely. Ramsgate harbour, somewhat run-down since ferries stopped, is being dredged in anticipation of massive lorry queues requiring huge amounts of parking on nearby Manston aerodrome. Our 'steemed Ed was knocked over by afterburner backdraught there as a cadet. Those Vulcan bombers needed one hell of a runway so there should be enough room. PM May's plan looks set to be rejected by parliament, Eurojohnnies in Brussels aren't playing ball. So either there's a big crash or someone will flinch at the last moment.
Joy Of Spellcheckers EM
Local Indian Restaurant advert- "bring your won alcohol".
(There might still be a bottle of red from a raffle, trouble is I'm a super-taster so can't eat Indian. Ed.)
More Boats Means More Boats - Ed.
Dover MP calls for more border patrol boats to deter migrants crossing the channel. Er, think about that for a minute. What the current boat does is pick migrants up and take them to Dover. Now if these escapees from Wagger-wogger-land get picked up at half distance, it makes it easier for them, doesn't it? So, more of them come. What we need is a permanent cyclone whipping up the seas and making the crossing impossible, now how do we make that happen? Answers on an asylum application form to:- Minister for Illegal Entry, Dover.
E.M. says: Perhaps we could do a Dump and build a wall mid-channel.
Stupid Women - by Polly Mint
Abysmal disorder, orchestrated by Tory feminists to slag off Jeremy Corblimey yesterday was shameful to the Commons house of parliament. He clearly mouthed "stupid ...." which the Wimmin claim ended with "woman" meaning PM Theresa May. He claims it was "people." Really it doesn't matter which: it was muttered to himself not into a public address system. The reaction of these female yobs was way over the top. In the comment below this we pointed out that in the current Brexit disputes, ME comes first to many MPs. There was plenty of attention seeking in that. This display of noisy disorder may well also have been an attempt to distract from the deep splits within Tory party ranks. It didn't work, stupid Wimmin. Please MPs stop this bad-mouthing and loutish behaviour and get on with your real jobs: at present parliament a disgrace.
Me First - Brexit Opportunities
Deal or No deal? It makes no difference to most UK politicos because it's very obvious ME comes first to them. So much fuss, shouting, nonsense, bloated egos all vying to be heard most often. When will these people understand the UK comes before ME? If Infinity Junction ruled the world, we'd ban politicians from politics! That would make next week's vote a lot more straightforwards.
Putin Things In Perspective part 9 or so
The head of Russian military intlligence (the GRU) has died young- that was something he specialised in arranging for others, unfortunately his men belatedly got the wrong person in Salisbury and his real targets, the Skripals survived, just. The failed Salisbury plot caused problems for badman Putin, eventually even he realised the game was up when the real identity of the assassins was revealed as senior GRU officers. Putin needs to wise up, he may be a popular "strongman" inside Russia but elsewhere his infuence has done Russia immense harm internationally. 2 commercial airliners shot down with Russian missiles by Russian backed militias, invasion of Crimea, systematic cheating in sport, hacking and interference in foreign politics, (Ukraine of course but more notably the election for US president,) hacking of other critical services, our NHS for one, state backing of genocide in Syria and probably elsewhere, and at least two murders in UK alone. Russian based organised international crime has thrived under Putin's regime, as has money laundering. The world will be a better place without Putin and cronies; perhaps Russian top brass dying young might magically spread, (where's Harry Potter when you need him,) that would do the whole world a favour.
In, Out, in, out. UK ministers have been resigning at such a rapid rate because of the Brexit Deal it has become very hard to know who's in charge of what now. It's a bit like Europe itself; fractious, disorganised and largely serving of those who worm their way into power. No Faith in the system from here.
The Croydon, or Guildford, or M25 Cat Killer has at last been identified. Mutilated bodies of dozens of pet cats have been found in that general area. Rumours of a vicious human taking pleasure in diembowelling cats for some ritualistic purpose abounded for months. Was it the Ku Kats Klan, a coven of witches, blood drinking vampires? Actually it was foxes... what a let-down.
BoJo, that buffoon right-winger ex UK minister and ex mayor, actually made us laugh- he called women in Burkas "letterboxes." We thought it was an unusually funny "post" for BoJo, but of course all the pocaloony (politically correct lunatic) reactionaries howled in protest. Some people need to learn what jokes are.
APOLOGIES- at this point an old motherboard which runs Infinity Junction's website updates failed, hence rather a gap in comments. It took some time to hunt down a replacement for this 23 year old RiscOS board. However some comments were written down with old fashioned paper and pen and will appear above, although without dates the order may be wrong.
Widest Race Track
Commentary on touring car race of 32 contestants, names of first 4 on track, then "Everyone else is fifth."
Writers Of The Storm
Tour de France subtitles- "a quartet of writers first over the line of the intermediate sprint." Even authors exercise sometimes, it seems.
Countryfile discussing new sources of plant protein- "Lupines" could replace soya. (Subtitles of course.)
President Dump is to make a "working visit" to England and Scotland next week. There'll be massive protests and police are asking other forces for help. What's he doing in Scotland? Well our guess is to see whether his bullying tactics, (using police to block access, planting trees outside private fences, etc,) has persuaded those locals living in "hovels" to move away from his loss-making golf course.
A hand-made placard shown by US women protesting at the splitting up of immigrant children from their parents read: "Free Babies," is there a surplus then?
TV program about suffragette success- Nancy Astor becomes the first woman MP, she had an "electric personality." How many volts? was she AC or DC?
So Dump and Bang Bong have met. From our media on the other side of the globe, the reaction has been decidedly muted. This could end up being rather boring... switch channels now.
From TV- emergency telephone response to agitated caller: "Do you have any mental health problems?" Caller answers: "I'm a vegetarian."
Enter The Twentieth Century
With a predicted 70% vote in favour of Ireland leaving the 19th century Catholic dominated era and allowing some abortions, at last, life will be fairer in Eire. It still hasn't reached the twenty-first century because the criteria allowing abortion are very strict. Wake up Catholic faith; the so called pro-life lobby, mostly religious fandamentalists, are actually pro-death.
Dump Bang Bong
It was predictable with such unpredictable characters, wasn't it. President Dump cancelling his meeting with Kim Bang Bong after an outburst of pique over de-nuclearisation. The trouble is Bang Bong really does think ha can threaten America into letting NK onto the top table. It won't happen. Now NK has "blown up" its nuclear test site. The explosions shown on TV were utterly pathetic. We've seen more spectacular car crashes. The damage could be cleared by a mechanical digger in a day or two. Not only that, but UK news reported those same tunnels damaged by collapses and landslides several weeks before, so what's that supposed to prove?
It's truth, you can lose £340 million just like that! Wesfarmers, Australian DIY chain owners, bought 250 store DIY chain Homebase, trying to inject some ozzie pizazz into the sluggish UK brand. This week they sold the whole lot for just £1. How many times have we seen UK companies getting stung like this in other countries? More than we should. Do your homework!
After the crappy UK Parole Board was given a kick up the arse, (see below,) the equally notorious Crown Prosecution Service is in line for kicking too. Several high profile cases, notably three rape trials, fell apart because of their idiocy. Whether these falings were attempted deviousness or merely incompetence is not clear. What is clear is that both staff and systems are ineffective in many cases. Clear 'em out, make them do a proper job for a living.
Parole Parsimony 5
At last those idiots on the Parole Board have been shown up for the prats that they are. (See previous NuGgets columns in BlogJob.) Finally the High Court has over-ruled them for the very first time and stopped a dangerous man being released by these self-righteous, "do-gooding" i.e. head-in-the-sand morons. Parole Board head has resigned; good. Now let's see the rest of them go and some common sense people replace them.
Carm-off-it- Evelyn Murray, Infinity Junction's opera and booze correspondent
Carmen, the flibbertygibbert gypsy girl sung by a Valkyrie voice? Royal Opera House's production broadcast last Sarturday was awful, slow, contrived and badly miscast. What should have had lively, feisty singing, turned into a derge because the voice just was wrong. Next we'll have The Queen of the Night sung by Cliff Richard. Must do better ROH.
Scalpel... Forceps... Igniter... Dictionary...
"You don't have to be a rocket surgeon to work that one out." Pyon Snow commentary, BBC TV.
What's The Question Being Answered Here?
"The difference between them is backside air and frontside four-forty."
(No not a medical conundrum, nor even a rude event at a bus stop; Pyon Snow Olympic commentary.)
Wet Winter Blues
Scene- Nesstown, north England, February, cold, windy and very wet- "I hate these wet winter days!" "We'll go the Cape Town then."
(3 years of total drought- Ed.)
The usual ballyhoo is underway in Pyon Snow, or wherever, made all the more bally by a "show of unity" between N and S K. The word "Show" is key here because the amount of real unity between Kim Bang Bong and the South is still very much in question. As soon as the unlympics is over there'll be another rocket test.
Culture and Bitcoin
The Japanese have never been renowned for their logic, just use some TV remote control systems to see that. It seems their culture is "do what you're told," rather than "work it out." Well another oddity of Japanese logic is showing the strain of its lack of logical basis- the Bitcoin. Up and down, no real value, just some fantasy and hype. Now most UK banks are banning its buying with their credit cards and say they'll never accept it. That should have happened some time ago, but nobody expected this fairy money to last. Pooff!
What A Dump.
We in the UK moan about our government and "first past the post" electoral system that allows relatively unhindered minority rule. USA is worse, as proven by Dump's Republicans, unable to govern because the Democrats don't like his policies. A domestic budget that can be vetoed by a minority is pretty crazy. Okay, admitted most of the world thinks Dump is a twat, but does that excuse locking thousands of people out of their jobs without pay? Politics USA is a cripple.
(Here we are a month later- the same thing happens. Doh.)
What Did I Come In Here For?
Many people experience that, but today it's revealed that Christmas is the time to discover Altzheimer's disease. Apparently one of the commonest errors is to forget to turn the oven on for the festive dinner.
Reading this from a search engine? See blogjob for previous NuGgets comments. Already at this years NuGgets? See Blogjob, for last year's poking fun and pointing fingers NuGgets.